I have a fear of death. Ingrained since I was young. I blame my imagination. That and growing up at the tail end of the Cold War and hearing about how a nuke could incinerate an entire city. Yeah, that caught my imagination early. I might have been eight years old. Also, my dad, my biological father, was a reckless driver. He and my mom never married, but he stuck around and stayed in my life, and I’d see him every Saturday. We’d hang out, get pizza, go to the movies, browse record stores, mostly. But some weekends he would take me to the track with him. You see, he raced motorcycles, and one weekend, at the track in the Poconos, there was an accident where I believe several of the racers died. I didn’t see it, but I was present to hear about it. And with the way my dad drove (he was king of the tailgaters), I could also imagine us having an accident on the road, and I began to worry that I wasn’t coming back from one of these weekend trips alive. Couple this with the fact that my maternal grandfather passed away in his mid-40s (all the others made it to their 80s), I’ve always been aware that tomorrow isn’t promised, that death can come for you at any time. And I’ve lived with the requisite anxiety that comes from always having that in the back of your mind.
In response to that, I’ve become something of a control freak when it comes to the variables I can influence. In my late 20s, my diet shifted to vegetarian, though I’m back to eating certain meat these days (a subject for a whole post in and of itself I suppose), and the whole rationale behind what I put in my body is I try to only eat things that are good for me. I got this information through reading books and, when they emerged as a medium, listening to podcasts on nutrition. Of course, here’s the rub for anyone who follows developments in nutrition science: 1. now that podcasts are a thing there are a lot of hucksters out there hawking their own brand of, “Follow my advice and you’ll live forever.” and 2. because of the difficulty in controlling the variables involved, nutrition studies are notoriously difficult to conduct. Eggs are bad for you, no wait, eggs are good for you. Coffee is bad for you, no wait, coffee is good for you, no wait, a little coffee is good for you but don’t drink too much. Take this supplement because most Americans are deprived of that, no wait, if you eat a balanced diet, you should be getting plenty of that, no wait, you would be getting plenty of that, but our soil is depleted, so where as leafy greens used to have a ton of that mineral, they don’t have as much of it anymore. And so on. And so on.
So over the years, as mentioned, I became a vegetarian because I saw the documentary Forks Over Knives in 2011 and bought into the idea that if I stopped eating meat, I’d never have a heart attack (which is what killed my maternal grandfather at 46). But then of course, I listened to several podcasts on the benefits of omega 3s, and I reintroduced fish into my diet, and then I read Michael Pollen’s The Ominvore’s Dilemma and he convinced me that it was silly not to eat chicken or beef if it came from a farm that was local and run sustainably, so when we go to the nearby farmer’s market, my wife and I will sometimes treat ourselves to ground beef or a pork shoulder. And of course, underlying all of this is the advice not to buy and consume ultra-processed foods (i.e., if it comes in a package and lists ingredients you can’t pronounce, it’s probably best to be avoided, even though if you broke an apple down into its constituent chemicals, as was pointed out on a recent episode of Peter Attia’s The Drive podcast, you probably couldn’t pronounce those chemicals either). And truth be told, none of this is bad advice. If you’re a vegetarian and you’re getting enough protein in through legumes or nuts and grains, you’re probably fine. If you’re ketogenic or paleo, you’re probably also fine. As for the carnivore diet people who only eat meat, I think the jury is still out on this one, because it sounds like a lot of these people have LDL-levels through the roof. I hear that a lot of people on it feel great, but as I heard Layne Norton explain on yet another podcast (can’t remember which one) this is because it’s an elimination diet and you’ve eliminated anything that can cause an adverse reaction, so you probably could be eating a ton of fruits and vegetables that wouldn’t bother you, and you could slowly reintroduce other foods to see which is causing your adverse reaction, but you chose the nuclear option of getting rid of everything. But if it works for you, hey, more power to you. I’m sure you’ll be all right in the end too.
Here’s what finally broke me (well, there are actually a few things that have broken me, but this is the one that broke me when it comes to following nutrition): the protein debate. How much protein do you need per day? All the podcasts are pushing that you need 1g per pound of body weight to sustain muscle synthesis and avoid sarcopenia as you age. ALL of the podcasts seem to be promoting this idea, and to be honest, without looking into any of the science and even before hearing the arguments, my bullshit meter sprung to life. Because it sounds outlandish given that most arguments around why we need certain things are based on ideas about human evolution. Why are we facing an obesity crisis? Well, because when we were hunter gatherers, they’ll tell you, sugar was scarce in nature. If you found a source, like say, a blueberry bush, you would gorge on it to convert the glucose or fructose to fat and store it so you could get through lean times. But in today’s age, it’s readily available on every grocery store shelf so our evolutionary need is betraying us. So if most of our needs as humans are based on evolutionary biology, can anyone explain exactly when in the course of our development as hunter gatherers, we ever had access for everyone in the tribe to 1 g of protein per pound of body weight. I understand that animal protein is a great source of plentiful quick protein, but hunting with spears wasn’t exactly an easy thing to do. I’m pretty sure our ancestors weren’t killing a deer every single day, dressing it down and feed the tribe this much protein based on hunting alone. Maybe I’m wrong, and I’d be glad to hear about it if I am. After all, I’m not a scientist, but of course, my issue with getting that much protein isn’t just that I’m skeptical that we evolved to need that much.
My other reservation here is not so much with science as it is with math. I’m told I need about 190 grams of protein per day if they’re correct in their recommendations for how I should optimize. The other macronutrient ascribed to longevity is fiber and recommendations there are that I need about 30 grams of fiber. I’m also supposed to be only eating about 2000 calories if I’m to maintain a healthy weight. And frankly, since I trusted the people recommending this (Attia, Huberman, Rhonda Patrick, etc.), I was trying to get that much protein in despite my reservations that it sounds like bullshit to me. And you know what, I gained like 15 pounds in that time because I was also trying to get in 30 grams of protein, and I’m not sure if you know this, but foods that have lots of protein generally don’t have lots of fiber, and foods that have fiber don’t have a lot of protein. And it was just about impossible to get 190 grams of protein, 30 grams of fiber, and remain at or below 2000 calories a day, unless of course, I figured out how to eat the same things at every meal, every day, and for heaven’s sake, where is the fucking joy in living if you’re going to do that.
So I’ve decided to give up. I’ve removed all health and wellness podcasts from my app. And slowly, slowly, I’ve decided to trust my taste buds and my gut to tell me what to eat when I get hungry. I want to have a slice of pie, you know what, I’m going to eat the slice of pie. It’s not that I’ve stopped believing that these podcasts are providing a net good for people looking for information on how to improve their diets, their sleep, their exercise regimen. They helped me a great deal. But once you have the general idea of what foods are good for you, and what foods you should generally avoid in excess (pie would be one of those, don’t eat it every day three times a day obviously, but don’t turn down a slice because you’re worried about a few hundred extra calories), I think you’re good to go. From there, it can become an obsession in terms of getting into the nitty gritty of optimization, and frankly, I’m over it. I’m going to die someday. So are you. Thinking that if you just follow a certain regimen you’re going to avoid it can lead to a joyless pursuit, and to that end, I thank all these podcasts hosts for pointing me in the right direction, but you know what? I think I can take it from here.
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